Originally posted on alt.tv.er.creative on 13 April 2000, for April Humor Month.

The usual disclaimers - property of Warner Bros. and other people who could $qua$h me like a bug, yadda.


The Scene We've All Been Waiting For
by Ellen K Hursh


Carol strolled into the County General ER - she had some big news for her friends. The first person she
met was Luka; he had a peculiar look on his face, similar to the one she'd surprised on his face the other
night at her place when he'd been barbecuing, and he bent down and kissed her. Wow! He kissed her long
and he kissed her hard, and she had to grab onto the desk when he was done. Money surreptitiously changed
hands - Lydia and Elizabeth had won the book, by picking this week as the one in which those two would kiss.

Carol started to talk, but her voice shook a little, and she cleared her throat and started again. "Hey, everyone! I
have an announcement! I've been talking with Doug, and the girls and I are going to pack up and move to
Seattle!" There was a round of cheering, and a flurry of money being passed around. Luka accepted a five
dollar bill from Malik and pocketed it smugly. "*You* bet on me going back to Doug? What the hell was this
last season, with all the goo-goo eyes and giving me rides, and everything?"

Luka rolled his eyes at her. "Everybody always makes the mistake of thinking I am the nice guy," he replied
enigmatically. "Did I ever *tell* you that my family was dead? Oh. Wait. I guess I just did. But you didn't exactly
slap me just now. Anyhow, I have signed another contract, so now I don't have to be boring old nice guy anymore. I
can be a jerk too, just like everyone else here gets to be sometimes!"

"Wait a minute. Your family's dead? What happened?"

"Sorry, Carol," he told her gently. "We have to have *some* surprises for the viewers next week. For
instance, Carter's not in this scene. And the author's gag threshold is too low for her to include Cleo and
Benton."

Mark walked into the room, and spotted Luka. "Hey, Carol. Hey, *Dr. Kovac*," he added nastily.

Luka crossed the room in about two steps, and was in Mark's face. "Hi. By the way, I think you should know that
I've decided to stop being the obligatory nice guy, silently accepting crap without complaint. If you have a problem
with me, tell me to my face, instead of talking behind my back or making veiled comments. 'Kay?"

"Yes... sir..." Mark choked out. Luka released Mark's throat.

"Good. Glad we had this little talk," he said, and went off to do something of an attending-ish nature. Money
changed hands once again.

Doug entered the room. "Hey, Carol. You ready? The girls are starting to fuss." Money changed hands.

"Yep. I just need to get my stuff out of my locker... oh, screw it. Haleh, you can have whatever's in there. We're
going straight to the airport. See you around, guys."

Kerry crutched through the door as Doug and Carol left. Her leg appeared to be hurting her again, and Dave
approached her cautiously. "Hey, Chief. You want me to have a look at that leg?" She sighed.

"Fine, Dr. Malucci." She followed him into Exam 2, and he removed her left shoe.

"Oh. I think I found the problem, Chief," he said, and tipped the shoe out over the wastebasket.
Several pounds of pebbles fell out, and clunked into the wastebasket, and he replaced the shoe on Kerry's
foot. "Try that." She tried her left foot, and a look of thrilled amazement swept across her face.

"Son of a *bitch*! You mean I've just had *rocks* in my shoe all these years?" She tossed her crutch aside -
it hit an intern. Oh well. At least this was a hospital... he had only a 43% chance of dying during treatment.

"Yep." Malik looked through the book. "Rocks in shoe" had not been listed as a possible cause of Kerry's limp -
nobody had seriously thought that it would be that obvious. There was "polio", "accident" (and "accident"
was broken down into several different kinds of accidents - car, boat, airplane, horseback riding,
skeet-shooting, and others), "she was born with it", "alien experiment" and "result of a mud-wrestling tag-
team match with Janet Reno and the Olsen twins". For once, nobody won the book.

"Hey, screw medicine!" Kerry chirped. "I'm goin' *dancing*!" And she skipped out the door, whistling
a happy tune.